She made me a momma but would never CALL me "Momma."

When Elizabeth died every hope and dream we had for her died with her. This is not how it was supposed to be! She was supposed to grow up, go to college, get married, have children of her own AND call me "Momma." Now none of this was going to happen. I felt cheated. Ripped off! It just wasn't fair. She made me a momma but would never CALL me "Momma."

I didn't have a relationship with God back then. I felt as though he didn't even care about me at all! But I "prayed" and "prayed." I put it in quotes because I have never been one to do the "Oh holier than thou" type prayer. I just talk to Him, like I talk to everyone else. Anywho, I told God how betrayed I felt. I told Him that I felt as if He just didn't care at all about me or my pain. He certainly didn't care about badly I NEEDED to hear her call me "Momma!"

A while after my "come to Jesus meeting" with God, I went to bed like always, grieving but not "praying." I don't remember going to sleep but apparently I did. I had a dream that wasn't really a dream. It was REAL. I was walking down a long narrow hallway. It was bright. My mother was with me. As we walked I could hear laughter and chattering. It was a little girl. She sounded so familiar. I knew her!! I walked faster. There was an open door at the very end of the hallway. It seemed like to took forever to get there. I could still hear the little girl laughing and talking. When we reached the door, I saw HER! She saw me too! She was standing with a woman that I didn't know. Elizabeth yelled, "Momma" and ran into my arms! I could FEEL her! I could SMELL her! I could HEAR her call me what I had LONGED to hear.. "Momma!" I sat, with her in my arms, on a long sofa that was in this totally white and well lit room. The woman was still there. I still don't know who she was and it doesn't even matter.. She brought Elizabeth to me! I remember hearing my mother ask to hold her. I told her no "because I never wanted to let her go again!" I regret that now. Forgive me Momma. I held Elizabeth for a long time before the woman came to get her. I wasn't sad to let her go this time. I'm not sure why though. I felt at peace for the first time since her death. She called me "Momma!"

Ya know, God did care! He heard my cries! He heard and felt my pain. Most of all, he heard my "prayer!" I didn't know that there was a scripture about getting my hearts desire but there is. Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. I'll be honest and tell you that I didn't do much "delighting" in Him back them. But He stirred the pools and I fell in! I am so very grateful! He gave me what I needed even though I didn't deserve it. He is RICH in grace and mercy! I have never forgotten what He did for me!

To God be the glory!
Always Elizabeth's Momma