I was just on facebook when I noticed that Compassionate Friends, a page that I "like," posted a little something for parents of stillborns, miscarried babies and the like. I went to look at some of the replies. As I did I felt overwhelming guilt for a minute. I flashed back to a time in our local support group, Love Forever & Always*. I remembered that we had a "Show and Tell" night. Sounds strange to you but for us it was/is completely normal. Families were encouraged to bring what they had from their baby's life, blankets, pictures, positive pregnancy test... You get the picture. I was pretty excited but sad too. Elizabeth only lived for nine days so I didn't have much.. Or so I thought. It was Monday night and our turn to "share." I was a little nervous. This was all I had... a box full of stuff.. No baby to show for it, just stuff... I talked about the things in my box, a blanket that still has her blood on it, the outfit that she wore to the funeral home and a little cassette tape that has a recording of her heart beat on it. We had/have many other things too. When done, I felt proud. Then another mother began to "share" her stuff... She didn't have much.. a positive pregnancy test.. GUILT set in.. Her baby died before ever even having a chance to really live... I have miscarried a baby before too. I remember that pain so my heart hurt for her, still does... I felt so guilty.. I thought that I had so little but yet I had/have SO much! God had given me so much.. I had the chance to hold Elizabeth, feel her heart beat on my own chest, I heard her cry, I watched her sleep.. I had/have SO much.. My heart hurts for the mothers that I know personally that never had the opportunity that I did to hold their babies, smell them, touch their tiny toes...
POINT.. See, I have one!
As I sit here today, after reading that post, the guilt tried to come again.. But God, don't you just love that.. BUT GOD, reminded me through His Word that we have the opportunity to see our babies again.. We can have eternal life (Romans 6:23) with our babies in Heaven.. We can have all the hugs, kisses, touches, smells and all that stuff that we didn't get here in this lifetime! It's real easy to choose eternal life with your baby! 1st John 1:19 will get you there! That's just the beginning of your journey to seeing that sweet face again! Reunion is on the way!
Oh and I have decided to not to let the devil guilt me any longer! Don't let him guilt you either! When you think about it.. You got more than some other woman had.. Some never even had the positive pregnancy test.. There is ALWAYS someone with less then you have.. No more guilt devil.. YOU have been put on notice!
To God be the Glory!
Amen!
*Love Forever & Always and it's founders, Bob and Tabitha Murray lost their first born son, Austin Ryan Murray, at the ripe ole age of 10 days. They founded this group out of their love for him and their desire to help others through the pain that they knew/know all too well. They were pivotal in helping to save my life! I am ETERNALLY grateful for ALL that they have done for me and my family! We are Forever & Always connected! Thanks Austin!
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