Almost 12 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Elizabeth Loren-Bea. My pregnancy was pretty much uneventful once we got past the 9 week mark. I was put on bed rest a couple of times but it really wasn't a big deal. I worked in sales so I was on my feet 9/10 hours a day sometimes so those bed rest breaks were welcomed. I was 35 weeks pregnant when we went for a routine check up. My bp was WAY up so I was asked to lie on my left side, in the office, for a little while so they could see if it would go down. After about an hour it did and we were told we could leave. We had a childbirth class only a couple of hours later so we just went across the street to eat an early dinner. All was well. I felt fine. At about 6:40 we headed back over to the hospital for our class. We really enjoyed those classes but nothing had been mention about what we were about to experience. Kiven got a call so we were sitting in the truck while he talked. I started to feel like I needed to go to the ladies room so I told him that I would just meet him at the elevator when he was done with his call. I headed in and started thinking that I just was NOT going to make it! I got in the hospital good and it happened! My water broke! Kiven came in seconds after. All I could think was "it's too soon!" Kiven was thinking the same thing but he never voiced it. He knew that I was afraid. He helped me get to the ladies room, even came in with me. At this point we didn't care what anyone else thought. Once I assured him that I was OK, he went upstairs to our childbirth classroom and got our instructor, a nurse. She came down and asked me if I was SURE that my water had broke. Duh! She left us to go get a "strip" that will let you know if it is really amniotic fluid. When she got back and checked.. it was. She said that we needed to go around to the ER so we could be admitted. I wanted to go home and get a bag ready. I was five weeks early so we had no bag or ANYTHING ready! She said that since we lived close and contractions had not started yet that I could but I needed to be QUICK! We got less than a 1/4 mile from the hospital when my contractions started so we went back. Still, I have not prayed... I may have but nothing sticks out. We got admitted, ultrasound done to size and date, everyone was called and before long my room was full. We were having a baby! We had been assured by my OB and many nurses that five weeks early wasn't really that big a deal. The baby measured, on ultrasound, to be between 5 1/2 to 6 pounds so we were good. I won't bore you with all the labor details but it wasn't an easy labor. At 1:40 AM on November 17, 1999, Elizabeth made her entrance! The first thing I noticed was her mouth. I was scared! She had cleft lip and palate. My doctor could see that I was worried and afraid. He began to tell me that by the time she was three months old the could close the lip, six months they would have the palate close and by the time she was a year old we would never know it was ever even there. I was still afraid. I KNEW that something was wrong in the latter weeks of my pregnancy. I journaled it just 14 days before she was born. Here is the excerpt..
"Nov. 4, 1999
Hey Angel baby (this is the ONLY time I EVER caller her this). We are getting close to time for you to get here, 44 days til your due date. We are excited. You have gotten bigger so you move less which worries me. I worry all the time that something is wrong with you. I KNOW (underlined in my journal) that I shouldn't. You see, your mommy isn't perfect. In the past I done things wrong, nothing that is against the law or anything like that But I've not been as good as I could have been. Your daddy makes me feel perfect and then I remember that I'm not and that's when I worry. I'm scared that God will punish me through you. I'll love you NO (underlined in journal) matter what!! I've wanted you for so so long that it doesn't matter how you get to me just that you get here. I consider you a gift."
So, I felt that something was wrong... Long story short, Elizabeth had a few other issues that needed to be seen to immediately so she was transferred to Children's, then UAB and back to Children's once the discovered that he intestines had perforated (long story for another blog). On November the 26th, Thanksgiving day, several of our family members were with us at Children's waiting to be told that Elizabeth was stable enough for surgery. My stepmother, France (oh how I love and miss her) went in to see her with me. She was seizing constantly now even with meds on board. She was septic. They had place drain tubes in to drain off the poison but it wasn't really helping... Frances and I went back to the waiting room after our visit. Elizabeth wasn't getting better. I sat down in the waiting room and France got on her knees in front of me on the floor and said, "We need to pray!!" I knew that she wasn't "churched" so it sounded strange coming out of her mouth. I said, "I don't know how to pray!" through tears streaming down my face. Frances said, "I don't either but we need to try." Frances began to "pray" to God. I don't remember what she said but I do remember the love for me and Elizabeth in every word she spoke. To no avail, Elizabeth left in the arms of angels the next day at 2:07PM. She was buried on the 29th next to her PaPa Ralphy in a plot (one of three) that was given to us by Kiven's mom.
Flash forward to today. I remember those words "I don't know how to pray" so clearly. Frances DID pray! She and I didn't know it at the time but she did. I know that God honored that "prayer" that day. I know that it was her prayer and mine that Elizabeth not be in any pain anymore, her specific words I don't remember. God heard and answered. Elizabeth is no longer in any pain. She received a glorified body and went on to be with the Father that I have come to know and love. He IS FAITHFUL to answer our prayers, each and every one. I know that God did NOT TAKE Elizabeth, as people told me. I know that he didn't punish me through her either. He loves me and doesn't want me to suffer pain of any kind. Some of you might ask, "If God didn't take her then who did?" Good question! I, for years, believed that He did but came to learn that the DEVIL comes to steal, KILL and destroy. The devil may think that he won but he didn't, Elizabeth did and so did Kiven and I! Through our grief we have come to have a personal relationship with our Father and KNOW that we WILL see Elizabeth again. Oh what a party that is going to be. You know, God is a good God! That I have no doubt. He is a God of restoration. He has restored a heart that I thought would never recover from our loss. He has given us two more beautiful children to add to our family. We are so blessed to have had the nine days that we did... Glory be to God!
Thank you Father for hearing us when we pray even when we don't know how to pray!
"But know that the LORD hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the LORD will hear when I call unto him."
Psalm 4:3
If you get nothing else from this blog, get this.. Just having a little talk with Jesus... IS praying! He hears you!
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